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Floating and Personal Identity - Juliet Tango Mylan | Float Conference 2018

Juliet Tango Mylan shares a personal account of floating, gender transition and self-acceptance, including difficult experiences on a float tour.

Float Conference · Published 2019-05-14 · 13 min · English · License: CC BY 3.0 · Source: 在 YouTube 觀看

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AI 生成摘要

The speaker opens by thanking Roy, Ashkahn, and everyone who helped put on the event, calling it the kindest, most thoughtful, most accepting industry they have been part of. The talk is personal and covers heavy material from the trip Ashkahn discussed, including suicidal ideation and sexual assault, and the speaker invites anyone not prepared to do what is best for them. They recall their first float eight years ago through Graham, later joining Float Tank Solutions and spending three months on the RV for the float tour, where they realized the team were kind of celebrities in the industry. In Jeremy Warner's tank in Lincoln, Nebraska, the speaker had a really trippy float and envisioned their future self as a woman, which was surprising though parts of them kind of knew from clues growing up in Bend. After returning home the speaker started to transition, and the backlash was hard; they describe negativity loops, being sexually harassed on the train, and a divorce, and say they learned to lean on people who help them through those things. They explain that being trans is exhausting and that the best thing others can do is give hugs and treat trans people like everybody else, then announce lunch and no Q&A.

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附時間戳的章節摘要

Opening Thanks and Acknowledgements

[0:22] The speaker praises Roy and says the industry needs people like him.
[0:29] The speaker says they will not match Roy's energy.
[0:34] The speaker thanks everyone who helped put the event on, especially Ashkahn.
[0:43] Ashkahn has been doing this for seven years, which in Ashkahn years comes out to like 250.
[1:02] The speaker asks for another round of applause for the industry.
[1:14] The speaker calls this the kindest, most thoughtful, most accepting industry they have been part of.
[1:25] The speaker jokes about getting applause for how great they look in a new dress bought specifically for this talk.

Personal Talk on Float Tour and Transition

[1:41] The speaker opens by noting they have no slides and are serving as their own visual aid.
[1:55] The talk covers very personal things that happened on the trip Ashkahn was just discussing.
[2:03] The speaker warns the talk will be a little heavy, covering suicidal ideation and sexual assault.
[2:12] Anyone not physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually prepared is asked to do what's best for them.
[2:31] The speaker asks for a round of applause to gauge how many people they saw on the Float Tour.
[2:50] The speaker notes they looked a little bit different on that tour, with shorter hair and fewer dresses.
[3:03] The speaker says they had a deeper voice back then and looked like a dude, and now mostly don't.

First Float and Joining Float On

[3:19] The speaker's first float was eight years ago and happened because of Graham.
[3:26] Before Float On, Graham was working with Christopher Messer to pitch the idea and see if it was marketable, and the speaker was one of the lucky subjects.
[3:50] The first float was really cool; the speaker had no deep personal revelations but felt super floaty and thought about the universe.
[4:05] The experience stuck with the speaker for a couple of days, and they realized they wanted to keep doing it.
[4:14] Thanks to their friendship with Graham, the speaker was able to float at Float On.
[4:21] Eventually the speaker was brought on to Float Tank Solutions, and days before float tour Graham invited them to come along.
[4:37] The speaker spent three months on the RV with the team and realized they didn't know them as well as they thought.
[4:47] The speaker learned the team were kind of celebrities in the industry, though they had just been drinking buddies back home, which was a huge perspective shift.

Jeremy Warner's Float Tank Experience

[5:05] The speaker had a float in Jeremy Warner's tank in Lincoln, Nebraska, which was the only operational float tank there at the time.
[5:23] Jeremy Warner shared his hospitality with the speaker and Ashkahn because he loves those guys, and his form of hospitality made it very difficult for the speaker to speak afterwards.
[5:39] Jeremy asked if the speaker wanted to get in the float tank, and the speaker wordlessly nodded.
[5:56] The speaker had what they call a really trippy float.
[6:03] The speaker started to think about their place in the universe and what they had learned about themselves on the trip and throughout life.
[6:11] The speaker began to think of where they wanted to be in the future and visualize their ideal self.

Realizing a Hidden Identity

[6:27] The speaker began to actually envision who they were going to be, not just think about it.
[6:33] Much to the speaker's surprise at that time, the person they envisioned was a woman.
[6:42] Though very surprising, parts of the speaker kind of knew, having had clues growing up.
[6:54] The speaker had clues growing up but didn't want to believe them.
[6:58] The speaker grew up in Bend, a very small town south of here, much smaller than it is today.
[7:12] The people around the speaker were cis straight, white, God-fearing Anglo-Saxon Americans, most of whom were the speaker's friends.
[7:44] With no one to talk to about how they felt, the speaker knew it was weird and tried to stop feeling it, which doesn't work and eventually comes out.

Transition, Backlash, and Difficult Floats

[8:14] After returning home, the speaker started to transition.
[8:20] Transition brought amazing things the speaker had been missing, including not feeling ashamed of themselves.
[8:34] The rest of the world doesn't necessarily agree that this is totally awesome, and that backlash got really hard.
[8:50] The backlash was especially hard because it took so much to finally accept it for themselves, and a little voice in the back of their head says what they're doing is wrong, different, and weird.
[9:06] Sometimes when feeling that way in the float tank, it doesn't help.
[9:14] The speaker says this is something not talked about a lot in the industry: sometimes those floats just don't go well.
[9:27] The speaker has learned they can always just get out and try again later, something we all deserve to be mindful of.

Overcoming Negativity Loops and Self-Isolation

[9:42] The speaker experienced negativity loops where being alone was the worst thing they could do.
[9:54] After being sexually harassed on the train by someone who grabbed them and smiled while walking away, the speaker felt they had had enough.
[10:12] The speaker's wife asked for a divorce because he was not the man she married.
[10:18] Many little things kept piling on, and being alone led the speaker to convince himself it would be bad forever.
[10:32] The speaker learned to lean on the people who help him through those things.
[10:41] The speaker discovered a whole world of support and is glad of the person he has become and excited to meet the person he will be.

Trans Experience and Social Anxiety

[11:17] Many people want to know what it's like to be trans.
[11:21] Being trans is exhausting.
[11:25] The speaker second guesses every social interaction, at least at first.
[11:32] If trans people come off spiky, it's because they don't know what to make of you yet and are afraid, having been taught they should be.
[11:45] The best thing others can do is give hugs and treat trans people like everybody else.

Lunch Break and No Q&A

[11:54] The speaker thanks the audience, saying they rock.
[11:55] The speaker announces it is time for lunch and states they will not be doing a Q&A.
[12:25] Anyone who wants to talk to the speaker at lunch and offer kind words or a hug is welcome to.
[12:34] The speaker also encourages people to hug each other.

[0:00] Hi everybody! How's it going? Thank you. How great was Roy? Yeah. We need people like him. Uh, for sure. I'm gonna tell you right now, I'm not gonna match his energy.

[0:34] Which I think we'll all be grateful for. Really quick, I just want to thank Everybody who's been helping put this on, myself included, but especially Ashkahn. He's been doing this for seven years and in Ashkahn years that comes out to like 250. So just really quick, another round of applause for him. All right. And really quick, I just want to have another round of applause for this industry.

[1:08] Thank you. This is the kindest, most thoughtful, most accepting industry I've ever had the privilege to be a part of. So... Thank you. And then lastly, I just want to say let's give one more round of applause for how great I look in this dress. It's new. I got it specifically for this talk.

[1:41] You're welcome. Okay, I don't have any slides. I am your visual aid. Ahahaha. Yeah, okay. So... I'm going to talk about some very personal stuff for me. that happened on that trip that Ashkahn was just talking about. Some of it's going to be a little heavy. I will be discussing suicidal ideation and sexual assault.

[2:12] If that's something that you're not physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually prepared for, please do what's best for you. Um, But-- Other than that, I think it's going to be fine. Speaking of Float Tour, just by round of applause, How many people did we see? Thank you. Ashkahn, I didn't hear you applaud.

[2:46] Thank you. Okay. Thank you. If you met me on that tour, I did look a little bit different. Back then? My hair was shorter. I wore fewer dresses? Um... And I had a deeper voice. Yeah, I looked like a dude. And now I mostly don't. um And this happened...

[3:17] because of floating. *sigh* My first float was eight years ago. And it was because of Graham. This was before Float On, actually. But he was working with Christopher Messer to... sort of pitch the idea and see if it was marketable, and I was one of the lucky subjects. If you see him later, you should ask him how that turned out. I'd be really curious. Um... Yeah, so...

[3:50] That first float for me was really, really cool. I didn't have any sort of deep personal revelations but, I did feel like super floaty and I thought about the universe and stuff, which was rad. And it stuck with me for a couple of days and I realized, that I wanted to keep doing it. And... Thanks to the awesome friendship I developed with Graham, I was able to do that at FloatOn.

[4:21] Eventually, for whatever reason, they brought me on to Float Tank Solutions and true story, Just... days before they were leaving on float tour, Graham was like, do you want to come? And I was like, yeah. So, I was on that RV for three months with those guys. And I realized that I didn't know them as well as I thought I did. As it turns out, they're kind of like celebrities in this industry, which they were just my drinking buddies back home. And that was a huge perspective shift for me.

[4:58] And not the last one on that trip. We did a lot of floating. And one of the floats that I ended up having was in Jeremy Warner's tank. and Lincoln, Nebraska. It was the Only float tank operational at the time in Lincoln, Nebraska, I checked. I'm sorry. Um... And while I was there with Ashkahn, Jeremy wanted to make sure that he shared some of his hospitality with us, because he loves those guys.

[5:31] And I'm not sure if you're familiar with Jeremy Warner's form of hospitality, but it made it so that it was very difficult for me to speak afterwards. And so he asked me if I wanted to get in the float tank and I wordlessly just sort of nodded. And so... I went in and I floated, and I had what they call a really trippy float, man. I started to think about my place in the universe, and what I had learned about myself on this trip and throughout my entire life.

[6:11] I started to think of where I wanted to be in the future and visualize my ideal self. have, and not just that, but I also started a to see me in the future. Not just think about it, but actually see who I was going to be. I And much to my surprise at that time, She was a woman. And... Even though it was very surprising, there were parts of me that kind of knew Um...

[6:51] I had had... clues growing up. Things I just didn't want. to believe Because I grew up in a very small town. I grew up in Bend, south of here, and when I was growing up it was much smaller than it is today. Um... And... the people I had around me were cis straight, white God-fearing Anglo-Saxon Americans.

[7:23] And that's not to disparage cis whites. straight God-fearing Anglo-Saxon Americans. most of my friends. are cis, straight, white, God-fearing Anglo-Saxon Americans. Well, maybe not God-fearing. I didn't have anyone to talk to about how I felt, and so I knew that it was weird. And so I tried to stop feeling it. If anybody's had something like that, they know that it doesn't work.

[7:57] And it eventually does come out. Um... And that's what I did when I came out of that tank. Thank you. Um... And it was really, really great for a while. When I got back home, I started to transition. And It was amazing all the things that I had been missing out on and how "Not ashamed of myself I was."

[8:29] And I was really glad to have that. Um... But the rest of the world doesn't necessarily agree that that's a totally awesome and groovy and And... that got really hard for me. encountering that backlash. especially since it took me so much to just finally accept it for myself. There's always a little voice in the back of my head that says that, what I'm doing is wrong and it's different and weird things.

[9:05] I'm not sure. And sometimes when I get like that, when I'm in the float tank, It doesn't help. And I know that that's something we don't talk about a lot in this industry, but sometimes those floats Just. they don't go well. But I've learned that I can always just get out. and try again later. And, um, I think that that's something that we all deserve to be mindful of.

[9:37] Thank you. Um... There were times where I would get into these negativity loops, and being by myself was the worst thing. that I could do. and And... after... I was sexually harassed on the train. grabbed me, and they smiled at me as they walked away, fully aware that I couldn't do anything.

[10:08] Thank you. I felt like I'd had enough. I My wife had asked for a divorce because it turns out I was not the man that she married. And there were just so many little things that kept piling on, and being by myself, I convinced myself it was going to be bad forever. But I've learned to... lean on the people, that Help me through those things.

[10:40] And... I've discovered that there's a whole world of you. Thank you. And... I'm so glad of the person that I've become, and I'm so excited to meet the person that I'm going to be. I'm sorry. And, um, I just want to thank you for all of that. I'm not going to keep you from lunch too much longer, I promise. Um...

[11:11] But, uh, I will say this. you A lot of people want to know what it's like to be trans. And I can tell you this, it's exhausting. I second guess every social interaction that I have. Um... at least at first. So if I come off spiky, or if other trans people do, it's because we don't know what to make of you yet. and we're afraid. because we've been taught that we should be.

[11:44] Thank you. So the best thing that you can do is just give us hugs and treat us like everybody else. And I know that you will. Because you guys rock. All right, let's go have lunch. If anybody wants to talk to me... . I'm going to let you know I'm not doing a Q&A.

[12:25] if anyone wants to talk to me at lunch and give me kind words or a hug Please do. but hug each other too. Thanks.

查看原始字幕

[0:00] Hi everybody! How's it going? Thank you. How great was Roy? Yeah. We need people like him. Uh, for sure. I'm gonna tell you right now, I'm not gonna match his energy.

[5:31] And I'm not sure if you're familiar with Jeremy Warner's form of hospitality, but it made it so that it was very difficult for me to speak afterwards. And so he asked me if I wanted to get in the float tank and I wordlessly just sort of nodded. And so... I went in and I floated and I had what they call a really trippy float man. I started to think about my place in the universe and what I had learned about myself on this trip and throughout my entire life.

[6:11] I started to think of where I wanted to be in the future and visualize my ideal self. have and not just that but I also started a to see me in the future. Not just think about it, but actually see who I was going to be. I And much to my surprise at that time, She was a woman. And... Even though it was very surprising, there were parts of me that kind of knew Um...

[10:08] Thank you. I felt like I'd had enough. I My wife had asked for a divorce because it turns out I was not the man that she married. And there were just so many little things that kept piling on and being by myself, I convinced myself it was going to be bad forever. But I've learned to... lean on the people, that Help me through those things.

[12:25] if anyone wants to talk to me at lunch and give me kind words or a hug Please do. but hug each other too. Thanks.

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「Floating and Personal Identity - Juliet Tango Mylan | Float Conference 2018」由 Float Conference 發布，採用 CC BY 3.0 授權。來源影片：https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Czp5hOAXGSE。此頁呈現影片的文字字幕，由 Vidleaf 加入段落與時間戳。創作者與 Vidleaf 無隸屬或背書關係。頁面若提供 AI 標點、名稱修正或摘要，會分開標示，原始字幕仍可查看。

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最後更新 2026-10-20

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